


Bump in the Night

by pushingcrazies



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: F/F, Mental Health Issues, Post-Xindi arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-14
Updated: 2014-03-14
Packaged: 2018-01-15 17:55:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1313884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pushingcrazies/pseuds/pushingcrazies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hoshi wasn’t as unaffected by her time with the Xindi reptiles as everyone thought she was</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bump in the Night

**Author's Note:**

> Posted this on Tumblr about a week ago and only just remembered to post it here.

T’Pol gradually became aware that something was Not Quite Right.

 

She wasn’t sure at first what pulled her into full consciousness but it became evident when she realised the spot beside her on the bed had gone cold.  T’Pol went from being half asleep to full alertness in the space of half a second; if Hoshi was awake in the middle of the night, that could only mean bad things.

 

She was sitting up against the wall furthest from the bed.  Just sitting.  It was like all light had gone out of her eyes.  She stared into nothingness, unmoving, unblinking, unbeing.  These were the worst nights of all.  T’Pol could handle the emotional outbursts, the hours of crying.  Anything but the blankness.  Time would heal her mind from the violations the Xindi reptiles had committed, Phlox had promised time and time again.  And yet, here they were yet again, Hoshi lost inside herself and T’Pol helpless to do anything.

 

It hurt.

 

She is getting better, T’Pol reminded herself.  The spells are coming less frequently and she snaps out of them easier.  That is the main thing to focus on.  She is not well yet but she is getting better.

 

That didn’t make it any easier to deal with.

 

T’Pol carefully swung her legs off the bed.  Not that Hoshi would notice if she decided to get up and cartwheel across the room; but soft, gentle movements had proven better in the past.  Hoshi might not be responsive, but she could definitely tell the difference between when T’Pol was agitated and when she was calm.  Agitation made her retreat further into herself.

 

“Hoshi.”

 

No response.  Not that she expected one, but the sound of her voice usually helped.

 

T’Pol stood up and walked over to Hoshi, kneeling down next to her.  “Hoshi, you are on Enterprise.  You are in my quarters.”  It was a stupid thing to do, letting Hoshi stay the night.  T’Pol knew that sleeping in her quarters was unfamiliar enough that it brought on more frequent bouts of dissociation but Hoshi had assured her she would be fine.  Stupid, stupid, stupid.  “I am going to put my hand on your arm now.”  She did so.  Hoshi did not react.

 

T’Pol could not imagine - did not want to imagine - what was going on in Hoshi’s head right now.  She had offered, in the past, to share the memories, to take some of the burden onto herself, but Hoshi had adamantly refused.  She had her reasons, more than simply not wanting to put anyone else through the nightmare of her ordeal, but she couldn’t quite explain what those reasons were.  When she tried, her voice would dry up, she would get a vacant look in her eyes, and T’Pol would think she was going into a dissociative state.  So she stopped pushing Hoshi and let her deal with this on her own, lending support when she could.

 

“Today we were working on the bridge.  I was sitting in the captain’s chair because Captain Archer was working on reports in his ready room.  Ensign Mayweather - Travis - kept making awful puns and you kept groaning because they were really bad.  I am going to move my hand now.  I am going to put it on your shoulder.”  She did so.  “But then you started making puns in Klingon.  Except Klingons don’t really have the same concept of puns that humans do.  Do you remember?”  Was that a flicker in Hoshi’s eyes, some tiny response to her words?  “Besides, no one else on the bridge speaks Klingon so nobody got your jokes.  But Lieu- er, Malcolm kept laughing at you being, as he called you, ‘a nerd.’  But you didn’t mind because you said for all they knew, you were cursing them out in Klingon and they would never know it.”

 

T’Pol rubbed her thumb comfortingly on Hoshi’s shoulder, but this only caused Hoshi to flinch away from her.  T’Pol stilled her hand but did not remove it.  “I apologise.  The captain came back to the bridge just as you called Malcolm a few rather unflattering words in at least three different languages, from what I understood.  I’ve never seen you turn so red so fast.  You humans are so peculiar.  Vulcans don’t blush.  The first time I saw a human blush I thought he was going to burst an artery.”

 

Something flickered in Hoshi’s face.  Exaggerations and half-truths from T’Pol were all but guaranteed to garner some sort of response from her these days.

 

“I am going to touch your face.”  T’Pol released Hoshi’s shoulder and brushed her hand against Hoshi’s cheek.  It was so cold, so remote, so…not Hoshi.  “Breathe, t’hy’la.”

 

A shuddering intake of breath.

 

“Breathe.”

 

And out.

 

“Again.”

 

Hoshi obeyed.  There was light coming back into her eyes now.  She blinked.  Her mouth opened, but nothing came out.

 

“Shh,” T’Pol said.  She relaxed slightly, sitting down next to Hoshi.  “Just focus on breathing.”

 

Hoshi reached for T’Pol’s hand, clutching it so hard that it hurt.  T’Pol didn’t even notice; she was too relieved that Hoshi was returning to herself now.

 

“I’m sorry,” Hoshi whispered, closing her eyes.  A tear fell down her face, followed by another and another.

 

This, T’Pol could handle.  She pulled Hoshi into her lap, cradling her as she sobbed.  The trauma she had gone through, the stress of pretending she was okay, the fact that she knew she was causing her lover anxiety, it all added up in her mind and overwhelmed her.  T’Pol didn’t mind, and when Hoshi apologised again and again for being so emotional, T’Pol skipped talking altogether and showed her how much she didn’t mind.  She envied Hoshi’s cathartic releases, she truly did.

 

Eventually Hoshi sat up, wiping her eyes.  She gave T’Pol a weak smile.  “Thank you.”

 

T’Pol kissed her and did not say anything, merely led her back to bed for a few more hours of sleep.


End file.
